There has been much discussion lately over the topic of marriage, and when is the right time to marry. This recent discussion revolves around an article published in Christianity Today by Mark Regnerus, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas. He lays a case against modern American society that says people should prepare first and build a financial foundation before embarking on marital unions. Specifically, Evangelical Churches should pull away from such thinking and promote the marriage covenant more aggressively, and encourage our youth to start much earlier than current statistics show. I agree with him that the church should not embrace such worldviews, and should promote marriage as the gift God made it to be. However, he started the article by laying a foundation that is just another worldly argument that directly violates God's word. And because he started there, it was hard for me to get past that and see the effective rebuttals he made against those who propose postponing marriage until later in life. I suggest that believers should look first to the Bible to see what God says, and with that foundation we can make choices where God has given freedom.
This foundation I struggled with was an argument for promoting earlier marriage based on sexual statistics of young people. By his statistics, over 90% of young adults have sex outside of marriage, and among evangelicals, 80% who are in a relationship have some form of sex outside of marriage. He says these stats show that teaching abstinence to them just isn't working. All it does is make them feel guilty. Regnerus says when we ask our youth to remain pure "few evangelicals accomplish what their pastors and parents wanted them to." He also says "I'm suggesting that in the domain of sex, most of them don't and won't" abstain. He goes on to say "when people wait until their mid-to-late 20's to marry, it is unreasonable to expect them to refrain from sex." According to him, the church is losing the battle for purity because we are putting unreasonable pressure on them in this present culture.
Now I understand why he says he has encountered such resistance to his view on marrying young. These attacks on the fabric of Biblical principles make it hard to keep listening. I know it did for me. Everything else he said was tainted by the conclusion he made from the data collected. Am I wrong? Should we also conclude that since almost everyone is doing it, we are unfair to expect young Christians to stay pure until marriage?
It is important here to remember that the church is not making unbearable demands on us, but we are teaching what God wants and expects us all to do. God's word is clear about whether it is ok to have sex outside of marriage. 1Thessalonians 4 tells us that God's will for our sanctification is that we abstain from sexual immorality (1 Thess.4:3). And, we are not to act with the passionate lusts of unbelievers, but with knowledge how to have self control of our bodies (1 Thess. 4:4-5). The church may need to examine itself in this area, to see if it has adequately trained young people how to know how to control his/her urges. I am sure this is lacking in the church. We are quick to tell them (and us) how immorality is wrong, but then not prepare them with the right weapons to fight the temptations.
The passage continues, though, to exhort us not to wrong each other with sexual sin, and warns us of the consequences before God for those that do (1 Thess. 4:6). God has called us to be holy, and not impure (1 Thess. 4:7). And finally, a stern warning comes to anyone who rejects this, because they are rejecting God (1 Thess. 4:8). After all, The Lord did not leave us all alone, but He gave us the Holy Spirit. We need to be careful not to ever give a message that abstinence is an unreasonable teaching. This passage and many more tell us that it is God's message. (Romans 13:13; 1 Corinthians 5:1, 6:9, 18; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; etc…)
The argument made to marry as a solution to strong sexual desires is addressed in I Corinthians 7, and Regnerus does use that passage toward the end of the article. Yes, it is a valid reason for marriage, but if it is the only reason, then the person is making a grave mistake. That passage alone spends a great deal of time addressing this topic from many different angles. It would take many blog entries to really look at this issue and try to come to conclusions. This passage, by itself, gives us a good idea how complex the answers to this subject can be. The truth is, when a person should get married can only be determined individually. It would be wrong for us to argue a "one size fits all" model for when a person should marry.
Regnerus does say that the church should promote marriage, and I agree. Hebrews 13:4 tells us to hold marriage in honor, and that God will judge those who defile it. And we have an example of marriage in Ephesians 5 that illustrates the beautiful relationship of Christ and His church. It is important for us to revere, honor, and encourage marriage as the good gift from God it is. There are good examples of those who got married young, and there are good examples of those who get married later. So much of that depends on the maturity and calling of each individual.
I want to make it clear I am not against Regnerus. He did a good job of refuting the arguments for getting married later. If you did not read the article, please do, it will make you think. You can find it here:
